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Self Help

Achieve a Greater Level of Acceptance

Self HelpAn article by Eleqara which explores the spiritual aspects of learning to be more accepting of what is happening in your life and of the actions of the people in your life. To learn to be more accepting of yourself - by co-creating gracefully, surrendering to God and focusing on what you want. It includes a reference sheet that is valuable to help you become calm when faced with an upsetting situation.

I believe that before we are born to this life, before we incarnate, we make certain agreements or contracts, and, through them, we choose to learn more about certain Divine principles, like love, forgiveness, compassion and… acceptance!

We co-create our lives by accepting that we made these contracts, that we decided to learn more about these principles. Every experience in our lives is there to help us fulfill that contract, or learn that principle. Our choice is to move through life’s lessons gracefully or kicking and screaming, being stubborn, getting stuck on the WHY of it all. As Caroline Myss says, God will never give you an answer to that “Why” question, so just give it up!

Perhaps another way to look at that is to assume that the WHY is always for you to learn something, to make you stronger in some aspect of your life. There’s always at least one good thing that comes from a ‘negative’ experience. So the choice is to keep the good, the productive, and to release the negative, or non-productive, elements from any experience.

For example, what if a person that betrayed you, and we all have at least one of those in our lives, what if he or she turned around as they were leaving your life and said, “I was Divinely directed to betray you, to make you stronger. We agreed before you incarnated. You wanted me to do this. Take this experience and let it move you to the next level of your growth.” If it were that clear, it would be easy to accept the situation, easy to forgive that person, wouldn’t it? I mean, you asked them to do that. Well, quite simply, that is what is happening in all of our lives, it’s just not that clearly stated for us, but if we can remember this concept when situations arise that are difficult to accept, it will make it easier for us to move through them, learn from them and let them go.

I think a good way to look at this whole acceptance thing is like being in quicksand. The more you struggle, the more you resist… the faster you sink. Once in it, its weight makes it very difficult to get out, like being in wet concrete. The ego can be compared to the quicksand. The more mired you become in the ego’s ‘shoulds’ and ‘deserve,’ in its trying to control what it cannot control, the longer you stay stuck. You end up wasting your energies on the flailing (buying into the ego’s running commentary) instead of creating peace within by relaxing into the situation.

You see, if you relax in quicksand, your body will float in it because your body is less dense than the quicksand. Relaxing into a situation that is not to your liking allows you to float, to go with the flow, instead of fighting it.

The experts say to make slow movements when you’re stuck in quicksand to bring yourself to the surface. To move to a greater level of acceptance in your life, try taking slow steps, baby steps, from wherever you are, from whatever level of acceptance you are able to be in at that moment, and move toward full and complete acceptance. This will allow you to go with the flow more easily.

At the beginning of this year, a dog moved in next door to me, an outside dog, with his dog house less than 20 feet from my bedroom window. He would whine, howl, and bark, sometimes late at night. It bothered me a great deal… my quiet had been disturbed.

At first, I was really big on blaming the neighbor, blaming the dog, blaming the whole neighborhood attitude about keeping dogs outside. Blame, blame, blame. I certainly hadn’t done anything to invite this into my life!! This is often our first response to any situation we don’t like – to blame someone else.

I prayed about it, but the Guidance was to DO nothing. This was incredibly difficult for me, I wanted to call animal control, have a stern talk with the neighbor, write to the Home Owner’s Association or do all three. I had a list of every time I heard the dog make noise and it was a very long list. At first, I could not obey the Guidance. I spoke to the neighbor and, once, I called the Sheriff in the middle of the night, but this did not resolve the issue.

Then, I reached a level of just being a bit upset, but realizing the neighbors were who they were, I could not change them, they didn’t understand what this was doing to me, I was sure they weren’t doing it on purpose, that sort of thing. I was intellectually accepting the situation, but not accepting it emotionally. It still bothered me a lot, no matter how many accepting words I said to myself. Most of us can get to this level of pseudo-acceptance with many of the unwelcome events in our lives. It has its advantages, we are no longer openly upset, but we’re still subtly damaging our energy systems by holding onto those low vibrational, ‘negative’ energies.

Realize that this is all about the ego. Recognize that the ego only knows and understands ‘I deserve,’ ‘should be,’ ‘that’s not fair,’ etc. Some of those might even have some validity in the three dimensional world of Planet Earth, but, as I see now, NONE of them have validity in God’s world.

With that dog situation, I knew I needed to do better, not just for my spiritual growth, but to retain my sanity and peace of mind. So I worked to shift my focus to what I wanted, not what I didn’t want. I worked to shift it from a requirement that the dog be silent to a preference, I detached from the situation. I released the ego thoughts. It was a difficult journey for me, but, I came to realize that surrendering the feelings of suffering to God was what I was being asked to do.

Gradually, with daily, sometimes hourly, surrendering of the disruption, I was able to completely surrender it to God. Now, I very rarely hear the dog. The issue has resolved itself, not because I got all upset and stuck in what ‘should be’ or what I ‘deserved’ but because I surrendered it to God.

However, know that even when you accept something, it does not necessarily mean it will go away or change, but your attitude will shift and that is really the most important thing. It is easier to live with whatever is happening with an accepting attitude. Remember, happiness is an inside job!

One very hot Sunday this summer, the air conditioning went out. I could have gotten upset. A hot day to live through. Another bill. What a hassle... But, I was able to immediately accept it. I moved my pillows to the basement bedroom, spent the day in the basement, where it was much cooler, and called for a repair person first thing Monday. Sure, I checked to see if it was something I could fix, but from a place of total acceptance. No upset, no turmoil.

I learned a lot during that 30 some hours of high heat. I learned that I could sleep in the basement, something I had not been able to do in the past. I learned that I am much more flexible and able to handle what comes my way than I was even a few months before.

But the most important thing, the biggest thing, was that I finally experienced what it feels like to be in a place of total acceptance. How beautiful, how elegant, how restful acceptance is. And, from that place, I worked to change it. No angst, no mumbling about how things ‘should’ be, no ranting. It was wonderful! I now have a deep inner knowing that I’ve figured this out, at least once. I’m not perfect at it yet, I’m a far cry from that, but I’ve had one perfect experience of acceptance and it’s changed me.

This journey of becoming a totally accepting person is a process which involves a lot of endurance, a lot of perseverance. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect at it. ACCEPT yourself as a work in progress, as we all are. Find a technique or two that feels right for you and apply it consistently, every day, and your life will change! Surrender to God; detach from expectations of the outcome, make it a preference; focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Ignore the ego's rantings. Consider telling yourself you’re not that person anymore. You’re not judging or resentful or angry, you’re accepting. Whatever works best for you.

And, if you encounter someone who just doesn’t seem to ‘get’ the level of social or business ethics or standards you have, then, you could remember what Dr. Hawkins says about levels of consciousness. He says if they could do better, they would do better, so just realize they are limited and move on, don’t make them wrong. Or, just remember this quote from the old TV show “Dharma and Greg” - “You can’t fault a pig for not having a neck as long as a giraffe.”

So, you've tried all the techniques I've mentioned, and a few of your own, and you're still upset. This is an unacceptable situation, that person's position is totally without merit, or however you want to label what's going on. The anger and inner turmoil are still very much present, NOW what do you do??? Check out the Reference Sheet below. Several years ago, I put it together to help get me through the tough spots. I’ve since updated it with some material from Caroline Myss and Dr. David Hawkins, two people who have greatly influenced my life.

It can be used as a ‘cheat sheet’ – pull it out when you are upset and remind yourself of these principles, or just reread it occasionally when you need a little refresher.

Acceptance Reference Sheet

Whenever I’m in emotional distress as a result of someone else’s actions or some situation involving others, I WILL REMEMBER:

  • Accept it AS IT IS. Let whatever is happening be OK;
  • They are on THEIR path; I am on MY path;
  • I cannot control them; 
  • I have NO responsibility to change or “fix” them;
    • Don’t make them ‘wrong.’ Know that everybody chooses what they believe to be the good, or the worthwhile.
    • Thus, it’s easier for me to forgive them - if they knew better, they would do better.*;
  • Bless them on their journey, love them OR, if I cannot, ask God to bless them;
  • Know that ALL IS IN RIGHT ORDER! All is divinely perfect!
    • Remember that everybody around me supports me (even if they don’t know it) - even if I don’t realize it.** They are here to help me be stronger, more compassionate, loving, or forgiving, to learn not to be a victim, etc.
    • It’s the ego that’s sending all those messages: “Not fair,” “I deserve…” “Should be…” Transcend the ego, detach from the ego.*
    • Surrender the situation to God and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the truth of the situation instead of the way I am seeing it.*
    • Pray: “I don’t know what it’s serving but it’s serving something (either individual or collective). Oh Lord, I accept it and surrender to Thy Will.”**
    • Think of one good thing that’s come of this ‘negative’ experience I’m holding onto. Keep the good, release the negative.

What’s left, then?

  • MY feelings …therefore, I WILL:
    • Just be with the feelings. Be the witness, observe myself;
    • Own the feelings, for they are mine and only mine;
    • No one else is responsible for creating them;
    • There is no need to start a drama or have a tantrum;
    • Remember, there is no need to change anything or anyone;
    • Simply accept the feelings as mine and accept the person or situation as it is.
  • In the spirit of growth, I may also take steps to release the historical pattern that triggers these feelings, through rituals or ceremony, counseling or energy work.

This applies to accepting yourself and your actions as well. You are doing the best you can NOW. Love yourself, accept yourself and from that place of acceptance, miracles can happen

* From materials by Dr. David Hawkins
** From materials by Caroline Myss



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